More Preparation
These last few months, I have made friends with solo living at home. Here, I have people who love me within a few blocks in every direction. Dawn to my East, Lyric and Mehdi to the West, Jody to the North, and Jason, Vickie and Atticus down South. Also from my South facing window comes the sun, peering into my bedroom reliably every morning, bare faced or shrouded, calling me out for a morning run.
Now, I am taking the show on the road and will see how I fare out there on my own. In preparation, given my love of remote hiking, and the reality that I can rely only on my own resources, I have been trying to learn dead reckoning using map and compass. Apparently, the three essential components of navigation are:
1) Know where you’ve been (“attentive”)
2) Know where you are (“present”)
3) Know where you are going (“anticipating”)
Certainly I am not the first to liken these to instructions for life:
1) Know where you’ve been (“attentive”)
Where I’ve been is a long story . . . . It’s the “attentive” that makes me wonder. Odds are I have missed essential way markers, and mistaken cairns for rubbish. Life has certainly taken a meandering course, and often feels a muddle. And yet, there are a few through lines, and an overall sense of acceptance that feels fertile. As I used to say to my daughter, I’m guaranteed to make every mistake, but I try not to make the same mistake twice. Going forward, let’s see if I can become more “attentive.” Especially out on trail.
2) Know where you are (“present”)
OK, I am here in this surprising coda. All the work of life has been done! I listen to my nieces grappling with establishing themselves in careers, relationships, locations, to have or have not children. I am so grateful that I have completed these tasks. The intensity of those quests never really flushes out of your system. I still awaken in the middle of the night convinced I have neglected to do something essential. Did I ever figure out about a job? Did I remember to have a child? Thank goodness that’s all done and taken care of.
At present, I am on my own at 65, with the rarest of good fortunes in sustained vitality, an appetite for adventure, and the freedom to do whatever I please.
2) Know where you are going (“anticipating”)
It’s not where I want to go, but I know with certainty where I am going — the same place you are! They don’t call it dead reckoning for no reason. But where on the horizon that is remains to be seen. I will have to ask Rachel how long a Coda can be in relation to the main body of work.
In the meantime, where I want to go is into a meaningful life. What that entails, absent external demands is the question. It is entirely up to me to create meaning. I think about creativity as the answer, and curiosity, generosity, involvement, and yes, being attentive.
I leave in four days, and this is my packing progress:
And can I just say that today, I don’t want to go anywhere. I want to sit in my lovely house and watch my wildflower prairie bloom, spend time with my friends, do yoga, and get a Dachshund puppy.